Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

This is an incident of a conflict I had with my younger brother. It happened over my acoustic guitar.

My brother approached me one day and asked to borrow my guitar for his jamming session the next day. I declined his request so he pleaded with me. I told him that I needed to consider first but he tried to force his way through so that I would agree. He was already showing signs of impatience and started talking to me very rudely. Hence, I got irritated and told him that I would not lend it to him. As a result, he got really angry and the whole situation at that moment turned pretty unpleasant.

I think we all know that this conflict could have well been avoided if I had agreed to lend him my guitar. The main reason why I decided not to then was because I do not trust him to handle it. Allow me to explain why.

Firstly, my brother is not exactly the most responsible person on Earth. For many years, he borrows my items such as my books, stationery and EZ-link card and fail to return them. In order for me to get them back, I have to hound him until he finally returns them. At times, my items come back in a condition worse than before. Occasionally, he loses what he has borrowed. When that happens, he either makes false promises to replace it for me, or he does not offer to do anything to make up for the loss at all. Either way, it annoys me because it shows that he is not trust-worthy and insincere in taking responsibility for his mistake. Having said that, if he fails to handle such small items, how can I trust him to handle my guitar, something which is so much more expensive and significant to me?

Secondly, my brother owns a classical guitar and an electric guitar. Hence, there is no need to borrow my guitar when he has been surviving pretty well on what he has. When the incident happened, I asked him why he needed my guitar so badly. He merely said that he felt like playing acoustic songs, hence the need for an acoustic guitar. To me, he could use his classical guitar if he wanted to. I felt that the only reason why he wanted to try out my guitar was because it was quite new at the point in time. Who does not like getting their hands on something so new? I understand that thrill completely. However, the mere thought of him wanting to get his hands on my guitar just because it was new gave me a bad feeling in my stomach. At that point, I even felt that he merely wanted to take advantage of what I had. I guess it boils down to the fact that I do not trust him at all. 

Thirdly, the fact that he thinks that trying to force his way by turning rude will get what he wants really annoys me to the core. Where is the basic respect for people? The way he acts resembles a spoilt child and our parents do not spoil us. This is also one of the reasons why i did not want to agree to his request. I felt that I would be affirming his spoilt and rude behaviour if I were to give in to him.

Going back to the incident, my brother stormed off eventually, much to my relief.

The situation was resolved when I decided to lend him my guitar.

My brother left my guitar in his school for a few days and I had to remind him everyday to bring it home. Despite that, I am thankful that it eventually made its way back to the arms of its owner, unscathed. However, the issue of me not being able to trust my brother remains till today. It does not feel nice and definitely has an adverse effect on my relationship with him. What do you think I can do to have better trust in him?